Squeaks for Aomi

Monday, October 03, 2005

Xaphan oh Xaphan

Killing Them With Kindness: Xaphan causes no Disturbance when killing a human, provided that he does it by giving said human precisely what he or she asked for.

Now, it should be said that the Word 'Killing Them with Kindness' might have a different interpretation if a non-Habbalite held it. Then again, it might not: Saminga can be a little literal-minded when it comes to phrases that include the word 'kill'. He's certainly literal-minded about this one.

So is Xaphan, not that he actually realizes it. The Habbalite sees himself as a witty, sophisticated critic of humanity in general and their weaknesses in particular. His scenarios are designed to illustrate this by graphically demonstrating how humans always want that which will destroy them. Xaphan is quite proud of his sense of the absurd: indeed, he considers his work to far surpass that of those pathetic fools at Dark Humor.

That's his opinion, at least. Everyone else thinks that he's a humorless, obnoxious little twit who wouldn't recognize irony if you hit him with it. His precious 'scenarios' come in two flavors (heavy handed and incomprehensible), his (unjustified) opinion of his sophistication is only matched by his completely unwarranted pride in his abilities and there has never been a documented case where Xaphan has actually managed to be deliberately funny.

Oh, Xaphan kills people all the time - no question there, and indeed there's quite a few angels that want to have a little chat with him about it - but, frankly, the Punisher has the artistic, aesthetic and dramatic skill of a moldy radish. He can't even manage to make his tableaus particularly disturbing and/or frightening, which takes real skill for a Servitor of Death. His work is instead just... vaguely sad, to the point where his fellow demons feel oddly embarrassed and apologetic about it. Yes, kill humans, no argument there - but, come on, possibly one could be a bit more darkly majestic about it? Hell has a certain reputation to keep up, after all, and Xaphan isn't helping it at all. Unfortunately, nobody serving Death can really say anything to him: you see, Saminga finds the Habbalite's work to be amazingly subtle and humorous.

(obviously from some game D: )