Xaphan oh Xaphan

Killing Them With Kindness: Xaphan causes no Disturbance when killing a human, provided that he does it by giving said human precisely what he or she asked for.


Now, it should be said that the Word 'Killing Them with Kindness' might have a different interpretation if a non-Habbalite held it. Then again, it might not: Saminga can be a little literal-minded when it comes to phrases that include the word 'kill'. He's certainly literal-minded about this one.



So is Xaphan, not that he actually realizes it. The Habbalite sees himself as a witty, sophisticated critic of humanity in general and their weaknesses in particular. His scenarios are designed to illustrate this by graphically demonstrating how humans always want that which will destroy them. Xaphan is quite proud of his sense of the absurd: indeed, he considers his work to far surpass that of those pathetic fools at Dark Humor.



That's his opinion, at least. Everyone else thinks that he's a humorless, obnoxious little twit who wouldn't recognize irony if you hit him with it. His precious 'scenarios' come in two flavors (heavy handed and incomprehensible), his (unjustified) opinion of his sophistication is only matched by his completely unwarranted pride in his abilities and there has never been a documented case where Xaphan has actually managed to be deliberately funny.



Oh, Xaphan kills people all the time - no question there, and indeed there's quite a few angels that want to have a little chat with him about it - but, frankly, the Punisher has the artistic, aesthetic and dramatic skill of a moldy radish. He can't even manage to make his tableaus particularly disturbing and/or frightening, which takes real skill for a Servitor of Death. His work is instead just... vaguely sad, to the point where his fellow demons feel oddly embarrassed and apologetic about it. Yes, kill humans, no argument there - but, come on, possibly one could be a bit more darkly majestic about it? Hell has a certain reputation to keep up, after all, and Xaphan isn't helping it at all. Unfortunately, nobody serving Death can really say anything to him: you see, Saminga finds the Habbalite's work to be amazingly subtle and humorous.

(obviously from some game D: )

yeah it can happen....sometimes

Aomi> you know T_T DONT BE A CATBOY AMONG A DRAGON
Aomi> DOOM
Aomi> PAIN
Aomi> OMGG x_X
Moon|SemiAFK> XD
Aomi> then they force you to join a harem @_@
Aomi> and be the third wife or something
Aomi> even though you are male
Aomi> OMGG x_x
Moon|SemiAFK> lol
Aomi> OH AND THEN WHEN THE DRAGON IS IN AP ISSY MOOOD
Aomi> YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO COMFORT HIM ;|
Moon|SemiAFK> lol
Sanosuke> stupid dragons
Aomi> AND IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG
Aomi> HE EATS A SLAVE T_T
Aomi> then you gotta pick his teeth
Aomi> OH AND THE INSTANT YOU BATHE WITH OUT HIS PERMISSION HE TRIES TO SET YOU ON FIRE ;O;
Aomi> but you can't do SHIT
Sanosuke> lol
Aomi> BECAUSE YOU ARE THE THIRD WIFE :|
Moon|SemiAFK> XD
Aomi> you gotta take abuse from the 1st and 2nd
Aomi> BUT HE LOVES YOU MORE BECAUSE
Aomi> YOU ARE THE 3RD WIFE :|
Sanosuke> 14 *kills dragons and takes arm*
Aomi> @.@
Aomi> AND THEN WHEN HE WANTS TO PROCREATE
Aomi> OMGGGGG
Aomi> YOU HAVE A HARD TIME TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM THAT YOU ARE MALEE AND YOU CAN'T BREEED
Aomi> he doesn't care
Aomi> HE MAULS YOU ANYWAY
AND FOR SOME FREAKED OUT REASON, YOU FIND YOURSELF PREGNANT o_o
Moon|SemiAFK> XD
Sanosuke> 14 *sits on carcas of dead dragon*
Aomi> AND YOU SIT ON A ROCK, PONDERING, ' HOW DID I GET PREGNANT? I'M MALE!"
Aomi> then you find out, he had eaten the 1st and 2nd wives :|
Sanosuke> try stabbing in the balls?
Sanosuke> :P
Aomi> EVER TRY STABBING A DRAGON ALTOGETHER? ITS LIKE BASTARDEDEDED
Aomi> AND THE BALLS ARE BIGGER THAN YOU o_o
Aomi> SO
Aomi> WTF
Sanosuke> lol
Aomi> OH AND THINGS GET WORSE AFTER YOU LAY A GIANT EGG BIGGER THAN YOURSELF :|
Sanosuke> lol
Aomi> THEN THINGS GET EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU FIND OUT THE DRAGON HAS A BROTHER T__T
Moon|SemiAFK> lol
Aomi> AND ARENT THINGS GREAT WHEN YOUR OWN CHILDREN TRY TO EAT YOU?!?!? O_O
Sanosuke> lol
Aomi> THEN ONE DAAAAY THE DRAGONS ARE HAVING GUESTS
Aomi> YOU ARE FORCED TO BE SERVANT!
Aomi> :O AND HOLY HELL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THE GUEST O HONOR!
Aomi> AND THEN YOU DIE-.-
ANOTHER STORY!
Sanosuke> o.o
Aomi> NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SENSEI
Aomi> WHY?
Aomi> HE'S MARRIED
Aomi> HAS TWO KIDS
Aomi> HIS WIFE IS A MANIAC :|
Aomi> BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Aomi> NOOOOOOOOO YOU JUST ..
Aomi> YOU KNOW O.O;;
Aomi> WITH HIM
Aomi> ANDD THEN THE WIFE WALKS IN ON YOU TWO
Aomi> OMGGGGGGG
Moon|SemiAFK> XD
Aomi> THE WIFE IS SO ANGRY
Aomi> ' I NEVER THOUGHT MY HUSBAND WAS GAY!!"
Aomi> HE GETS ANGRY! " I'M BISEXUAL!!"
Sanosuke> heh
Aomi> AND YOU FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!!
Aomi> BUT THE NEXT DAY, YOU DIE
Aomi> FOR VIOLATING SOME STUPID HOLY LAW O_o
Sanosuke> wow
Sanosuke> that was special
Aomi> BUT BUT
Aomi> THEN
Aomi> THE GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD
Aomi> LIKES YOU!
Aomi> AND RESSURECTS YOU
Aomi> BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE
Aomi> SO YOU STAY WITH HIM
Aomi> AND PISS OFF HIS WIFE XD